Friday, April 23, 2010

Back to the present!

There are days in which all you can do is just keep breathing…
and breathing…
and breathing…
and after a while, you notice that you are living in the present, right now, neither regretting the past, nor worrying about the future. Too bad this doesn’t take long and you usually get back to your old self.

2009 was a strange year, so strange that it even dragged the weirdness with itself to 2010. It was the year of hopes which crashed to pieces, dreams which turned into nightmares, excitements which turned to nervousness. More than anything, it was the year of struggle.
I, and many others around me or close to my heart, had to struggle; to achieve some natural right; to keep some dreams alive; sometimes even to live.

I fought stubbornly at work. Too bad I couldn’t change my job; there were more than a couple of factors involved. The equation couldn’t be solved easily. The breath-taking fight led to an article in the end, although I was so tired that I couldn’t even enjoy the fruit of my plant.

Friendship was another major issue in my life during the last 15 months. It was one of the main subjects of my observations and thoughts. I found friends, lost friends, met friends, missed friends, made friendships, broke up some ties. I watched my friends going through struggles of their own. I watched friends of my friends, their relatives, and the strangers. I watched people of my country struggling. It was a dark era. I’m not going to write about it here and now... maybe some other time.

But then, in the middle of all this, I somehow survived. I went through the five stages of grief for my lost hopes and ruined plans: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I screamed and wept, worried and panicked, complained and nagged. Neither got anywhere, so I simply stopped. Now I look at the last 15 months as another part of my life. Nothing major has changed. Nothing big has happened. There is only one thing: since I’ve lost hope, I live much easier.


Behi said...

And welcome back to the blog! :)
Happy to hear from you after such a long time. We all have our shares of the five steps that you just mentioned but the difference is the time that we spend on each and that time frame makes a big difference i believe.
I know a person that lives this belief: "I don't focus on thoughts and matters that have nothing but negative effect on my being when I cannot change nothing about them" Believe me it's not like that he ignores his problems. As an observer I can see this person finds a solution when he can and he accepts what he cannot. Maybe this sounds like a cliché but I see nothing but making progress and great intelligence in this person's every day life.

Behi said...

Correction: ... when I can change nothing about them... ;)

Nava said...

Thanks Behi jan!
Guess we all somehow make a motto for ourselves in life, huh? Whatever works, is worth.
BTW, nice pictures on flickr :)

Hiva said...

Let me tell you one thing, all you describe sound so familiar to me because that's life. The difference is that some people just drag into it and some observe it feel it write it. That's simply life. let me give you a simple example people get married, some do it just because this is what everybody else does but some do it because they want to it's a subtle difference but the quality of these marriages are totally different.
I realized no matter what profession I have if it's my childhood dream or something I make money out of it I want to live my life passing so fast. I want to enjoy my tea with fresh cookie when I got a chance. "Life is like a soup sweet and sour" and we always want more..I am happy you are blogging again. miss your posts a lot.

Nava said...

Hiva jan!
I wasn't even quite sure if the blog still gets readers, let alone someone who misses my posts...means a lot to me, thanks.
And yes, it is quite important that you don't eat your soup just because you are hungry, but also to entertain your taste buds. However, sometimes you want life to go as you wish, and it simply doesn't! It takes time to surrender and let it go...

Dead said...

Hello Nava,

I liked the first paragraph very much!!
Here is what I wrote responding to your comment ... this answering comments on weblog is a tricky business :)


good to see you and thanks for your comment.
I agree with your points, yet, I wanted to emphasize the distinction between intellect and practice :)

I have been totally absorbed in a phase of change and learning about myself .... Hope all is well with you :)