Monday, March 31, 2008
Human relationships are like financial relations.
Let me explain before everybody is offended with the whole argument of “we-are-humans-with-souls-and-emotions-not-just-mere-materials”,.
I think in every relationship, there is a “credit” for each party. When a relationship between two persons is started, there is some trust and feelings and primary judgment saved as the initial credit in a joint account. This credit either is there by default (as for the family members), or will be created with a deposit of behavior (for any newly created friendship). Then, as time passes, this credit, which can act as a saving, can either grow, or stay the same, or shrink.
Some people may build up a good stock of kindness, help each other, be there if needed, trust each other, have fun and joy and laughter together, have an available shoulder to cry or to lean on when necessary, … everything which can describe a good relationship. These credits, grow, get a good rate of interest, grow more, and become more and more solid.
Some other people use up their credits gradually, not noticing that not only it’s not saved or getting any interest, but also the withdrawals are making the credit smaller and smaller. They just take others for granted, are as selfish as possible (and even consider it their own right), expect the others to be always in service, expect everybody but themselves to be thoughtful and considering, believing that the credit is so safe that nothing may change the situation. Their savings just shrink down, maybe even to putting them in debt. In extreme situations, one of the parties may even announce a bankruptcy, and that is the time they wake up, sometimes even surprised: “What happened? We were having a good relationship!” Sorry folks, you didn’t take the signs seriously!
Also, some relationships do not have any affect on the emotional account between the parties. The credit is there, not growing, not being withdrawn. Far, mild, respectful, just for a “hi” and “bye” every now and then. They might seem boring, but at least there is no bankruptcy!
The thing is, no matter if it is family related or friendship, the story is the same. Well, for the family members (specially the closer ones) the withdrawals are looked at with more forgiving eyes and the signs of debt or bankruptcy will not show that easily. But again, if it happens, it’s much more painful than any other realtionship, as these were supposed to be solid and safe. The friendships however, get a higher interest rate, sometimes with big fat bonuses, but debt happens easier.
... And only if we would all care about our emo-finan-human-relationship-cial situations, as much as we care about our bank accounts and monthly bills…
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The Persian new year is officially here. Without being biased, the most reasonable “new-year-beginning” of all calendars. Starting with spring, even if I cannot feel the slightest signs of it where I live.
I tend to have my resolutions at the beginning of our new year, when I feel that even the earth has started a new orbit. Not in the middle of winter, when all and everything in nature seem to be in hibernation…No wonder less and less people are able to stay committed to their new year resolutions these days!
I have also cleaned our house to a sparkling shine. But I need a thorough cleaning and defragmentation on my mind and soul. Mentally and emotionally. I have to sort out my thoughts, my goals, my plans. I have to organize my feelings, my observations, my activity patterns…Maybe some alterations here and there, some redecoration of my inside. Something I believe we all need every now and then.
...and for last part, I read a very interesting quote from a gnostic person yesterday: “People are three types: those who give and don’t expect to receive, those who give and receive, and those who don’t give, and just receive.” No explanation, no judgement. Just a moment of pause and thinking…
Happy spring to everybody!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Everybody knows bits from here and there about dreams. They are believed to be associated with REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage of sleep, during which the brain activity is very much similar to wakefulness. But not much is known about their origins, even the exact part or parts of the brain which are involved, their purpose (if there is any), and even there is not one universal “interpretation” of one specific dream.
There are different ideas and theories about the dreams, from them being actually are the result of the brain distressing or removing the “junk” from itself, or a compensation for one-sided attitudes held in waking stages. They are told to be actually presenting things that we cannot “say” directly, or even act like psychotherapy. There are other theories from the dreams being merely chemical interactions and processes going on in the brain without any specific meaning, to books and books of interpretations, because they can be some light dimmed on the “holographic” image on the brain and thus meaningful. There are even theories that you can never be sure if you are awake now and then go to sleep and dream, or your dreams are actually your real world, and reading these lines are actually part of your dream!
Whatever they are, they are certainly very interesting, either mine or the others’. I actually had a friend who used to gather people’s dreams to get ideas for her books. It amazes me how various and different they can be. I like to hear them, sometimes they are very creative. They can mix and match different people in odd places (for example your boss, your grandma, your uncle and the beggar in the bus station with you at the age of ten, attending the wedding of a soccer player in your old school!), they can create strange places (some of my recurring dreams take place in some strange place with many movie theatres that are usually showing bunch of movies all at the same time and you can select what you want to see), or you may see those whom you miss too much (have you ever had the dream of your belated grandma, wearing nice clean bright clothes, laughing out loud?).
They can be really scary (specially when you see somebody entering your room from the balcony window and you can neither run, nor scream!), or very refreshing (when I dream that with each step, instead of walking, I actually slip on the air or try to jump and instead start to fly, and interestingly, I don’t fall, but fly freely!).
They can make you anxious (the infamous dream of “the exam” which we haven’t studied for) or even more tired when you wake up (when you fight with somebody!)
They can be close to reality (experiencing a similar situation as you might probably have during a day), or the most surreal ones, similar to a “Salvadore Dali” painting or a “Luis Bunuel” movie (I have lots of these, a white dog wearing a black leather jacket chasing me on a motorcycle, or a ceiling lamp that can convert to a boiled egg)!!
No matter if I can find an interpretation for them or not, or if I can ultimately find their origin and functions, I like to hear about them. It can be as fun as attending a “short films festival”! The only thing missing is the closing ceremony, and the trophies!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The beliefs can have different origins. You could believe in something simply because you inherited it. That’s usually the first tendency of a person to be related to a specific religion. One would believe in a specific religion especially in the early ages just because that’s what the family believes in. Of course I am ruling out the families with mixed religious beliefs.
A person could also believe in something because s/he learns to, at some point in life. Examples are “the dogs are dirty” or “there are ghosts out there”. I can say generally superstitions can be categorized in this group. They could be learnt through the family, friends, in school or the society.
Beliefs can also be results of some reoccurring pattern in one’s life. I think it somehow has to do something with conditioning. You see the patterns, and the consequence. Hence, you are made to believe in that specific consequence for that specific pattern. Next time the pattern is observed again, you’ll be waiting for the consequence, “believing” that it will occur.
Then again “doubt” can change the old beliefs, and shape the new ones, at any stage and for any subject in life.
Beliefs have the potential danger of converting into bias or prejudice. Then they can make dangerous inner pillars. In best cases, they can arise limitations for the person or those around, and in worst cases, they can turn into reasons to any unethical action, even crimes. The racism, religious prejudices and the extreme forms of pan-nationalisms could be examples of these.
After all, the interesting thing is when a person is trying to sell you his/her own beliefs, in shape of “theories”, which have “confirmed examples” in the outer world. And no matter if they don’t make any sense to you at all, or the arguments are so cheap and easy that you just get bored, or you just feel amazed by how the person can explain so many non-related phenomena by that “one” theory, they are being sold…and so is the story behind so many books and programs and “marketing”s to sell different beliefs, with the same goal: let’s make a bigger crowd with a common ideology, to overcome the other ones.
The only thing that gets lost in between all these theories and beliefs and ideologies and groupings, is that we, the humans, have forgotten that we can live by each other, despite all our different beliefs. The fact that as long as one’s belief works for that special person, and doesn’t harm the humanity, it deserves recognition, (I insist on recognition, not respect. But this will be a whole other subject) and it can be there, beside thousands and thousands of other theories and beliefs and ideologies, peacefully.
Does it seem that I am selling my own belief on this?!