Monday, March 31, 2008
Visa, or MasterCard?!
Human relationships are like financial relations.
Let me explain before everybody is offended with the whole argument of “we-are-humans-with-souls-and-emotions-not-just-mere-materials”,.
I think in every relationship, there is a “credit” for each party. When a relationship between two persons is started, there is some trust and feelings and primary judgment saved as the initial credit in a joint account. This credit either is there by default (as for the family members), or will be created with a deposit of behavior (for any newly created friendship). Then, as time passes, this credit, which can act as a saving, can either grow, or stay the same, or shrink.
Some people may build up a good stock of kindness, help each other, be there if needed, trust each other, have fun and joy and laughter together, have an available shoulder to cry or to lean on when necessary, … everything which can describe a good relationship. These credits, grow, get a good rate of interest, grow more, and become more and more solid.
Some other people use up their credits gradually, not noticing that not only it’s not saved or getting any interest, but also the withdrawals are making the credit smaller and smaller. They just take others for granted, are as selfish as possible (and even consider it their own right), expect the others to be always in service, expect everybody but themselves to be thoughtful and considering, believing that the credit is so safe that nothing may change the situation. Their savings just shrink down, maybe even to putting them in debt. In extreme situations, one of the parties may even announce a bankruptcy, and that is the time they wake up, sometimes even surprised: “What happened? We were having a good relationship!” Sorry folks, you didn’t take the signs seriously!
Also, some relationships do not have any affect on the emotional account between the parties. The credit is there, not growing, not being withdrawn. Far, mild, respectful, just for a “hi” and “bye” every now and then. They might seem boring, but at least there is no bankruptcy!
The thing is, no matter if it is family related or friendship, the story is the same. Well, for the family members (specially the closer ones) the withdrawals are looked at with more forgiving eyes and the signs of debt or bankruptcy will not show that easily. But again, if it happens, it’s much more painful than any other realtionship, as these were supposed to be solid and safe. The friendships however, get a higher interest rate, sometimes with big fat bonuses, but debt happens easier.
... And only if we would all care about our emo-finan-human-relationship-cial situations, as much as we care about our bank accounts and monthly bills…
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6 comments:
Dear Nava,
The types of relationships that you described are so making sense and I never looked at them in this way. But the thing is that sometimes what you behave towards one person which leads you to reach a very fulfilling friendship with him/her, has a completely reverse outcome towards another. And at the end you're not the one who thinks is bankrupted as the other one has such a claim.
I mean you think you're following all the safety rules while- in fact- the other one doesn't know the rules and still feels bankrupted!
Dear Behi,
Yes, that happens sometimes. And that's usually (most possibly) because we were the ones who didn't get the signs and the feedbacks seriously. Or we didn't actually "see" them, as we were so busy following our own rules in the relationship, instead of "the two-way-road" rules...
Like credit cards, sometimes confusion may happen in relationships too. Your bill get lost in the mail, you do not pay your balance on time and get bad credit. In relationships, many many times, we build our judgment based on assumptions that may be totally wrong. This process intensifies because we get biased by our own negative mental reactions. The funny thing is that in case of credit card, we pick up the phone and call the bank to tell them there has been a misunderstanding and everything usually get fixed easily. However, in human relationship, pride, or whatever we may call it, prevents us from contacting the other person directly.
PS. In order to make sure that I am not loosing my credit, let me ask you if you got my e-mail!
Dear Nava, This is only an acknowledgment of receipt of your comment. I don't want to begin and end these lines with a routine and boring "thank you, how very kind of you" phrase. I read your weblog. I found many of your "thoughts" very interesting and very much "just out of my own mouth". I want to read them again and then, I will send you a message on your weblog. Keep up the good work my dear NEW friend. Nice to meet you!
P.S. I know this comment is tekrari! Will come back again.... until then and again....nice to know you....
Nava jan,
Very intersting take, and paralell example on relationships. For most parts, I would agree. I have to say that personally for me, there is large jump between ordinary relationship/Acquaintanceship and friendship. In friendship, the level of emotional investment is much higher for me and there are certain other elements also involed, which I have to think about them more. I'll come back:)
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