Thursday, September 18, 2008

Me, Myself, and I


"Self" has been described and discussed vastly in different fields. Philosophers, psychologists and sociologists have defined the word, explained the concept in details, and analyzed it with different approaches. Many people in a broad field of sciences, from Avicenna to Heidegger, have worked on it.

I am no philosopher, but I have my own theory.

In my opinion, "Self", as well as many other physical materials, can be described as having the dual wave-like and particle-like property. Now I’m not only talking about the small components of body, as in the organic ingredients, which can in detail be a composition of atoms, so electrons and nucleus and hence smaller particles, which can have that dual property. I am as well talking about the good old "Self", the one who sits behind our eyes in our brain, and senses stuff. The king of the kingdom. The one in whose eyes we look while looking inside the mirror. The one we are alone with at night right before going to sleep and review the day’s events once more. The one we make promises to, while making the New Year’s resolutions. One’s own Self.

This so called "Self", although is not definitely mere matter (and I’m not quite sure if it is some sort of energy, or just a result of different interactions and synapses inside the amazing brain), can in my idea have both properties of a wave, and a particle, with different quanta of energy.

I describe it in this way. I am the same person in this body since I was born. Sure I have grown and changed, but this person who is typing these words, is the same person who once was 4, 12, 20 or 30. The same person who almost was drowned when she was four, hated her new school when she was 14, read like crazy in odd hours of day when she was 19, and fell off the bike when she was 30. The same person who chose a wrong path on an important turning point in 17 and still regrets it, took the right path in another turning point in 25 and is still happy about it. I am the same person. I am a whole.

Still, I cannot believe I am the same person I once was in my early 20s. I cannot believe some of my choices back then. It’s as if someone else made those choices. Someone else has lived that life; someone else experienced those events. It’s as if at some points in my life, quanta of energy have knocked me off my state at the time, sending me to another level. Whether it’s a higher level or not, I cannot judge necessarily (although one can argue that "being happy" can be a good scale to measure the level of the state) but still, I can say for sure that it’s another level.

One specific experience that sometimes can mark these different states, is meeting an old friend. When there is a friendship that has reached to the expiration date, and you meet that friend after awhile, there are moments that you cannot believe you were once so close to this friend and actually had a pretty good time together. What has happened is simply that you both have changed, and the change is not only in your new high-lights, or her nose job. It’s something in different levels of each one’s state. Something that makes you disappointed, when you both look deep into each other’s eyes, while chatting from here and there, unable to find the other one’s familiar Self…It’s not only the disappointment from not finding the old friendship, but a horrible feeling of being torn into parts in time. The more the change and the farther the friend seems, the more painful the feeling. "Who the heck was I back then?" won’t leave you for quite some time…

But it will pass. The continuity of the life routine will ease the pain. One, gets quanta of energy again, changes levels, and continues to be the same self over and over again, experiencing all those ups and downs, in one whole life…

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I once read a nice sentence which I do not remember its exact words; but it implied that a river stays a river forever; however the water inside is flowing and you can never have the same water when you put your hand inside the river…
Your discussion about self reminded me of that idea. You are the same person forever; from the time you were born, you have been this Self; but the currents inside you are coming and going…they change every now and then. But they do not change your SELF…
Thank you for such a nice post; it reminded me of my meeting an old friend a couple of days ago.

Ruperty said...

I personally believe that Self is not like a wave if you meant it as a fluctuating diagram. Self function should be act as an upward trend even if you feel sad or disappointed or REGRET sometimes. Additionally, the nature of Self has been combined with evolution and that’s the absolute beauty of life. Besides, not only is the finding an old friend with a changed Self disappointing, it also can be wonderful to find and understand the changes, enjoy the similarities and discuss the differences. You know, waves such as Sine or Cosine functions remain the same at the end of their periods so if you expect yourSelf to remain stable or wave like a sine, you have to get used to encounter many hardships and problems. But take it easy!

Hiva said...

Well, self is the combination of "must" and "must not" that fed into our mind during the years. based on several parameters, family, school, country you grow up in, movies you watched at certain ages, genes, ...this "self" characterized. I don't know if "self" is materialistic or something else or how self and soul can be different, but I know everything we are, are coming from our little brain. I know that a bad accident or aging can erase my memory and delete the "self" that I am today.

Nava said...

Hi Parinaz,
In fact, your post about meeting an old friend, made me more serious in thinking about these meetings, and the influence they have on us, not only about the relationship which was there, but also about us as individuals.
I have also heard (or read, not quite sure) that phrase somewhere, and totally agree with it. It can be another expression of the same concept that I brought up.
Thanks for your comment.

Nava said...

Hi Ruperty,
Long time no see!
The thing is, I don't mean to look at Self as a functional wave (as in Sine or Cosine one) I meant to show that I believe although Self has some kind of adherence and continuity, it may as well be made from completely different and independent pieces. Just like a puzzle with two different sides to it's identity.
And I have to disagree with you that not necessarily Self has an upward trend unless you believe in such a thing and take care of it. So, sometimes looking back could be satisfying, or dissapointing.
(and remember, I'm talking general, not merely about myself!)
Take care, and thanks for visiting :)

Nava said...

Hi Hiva,
Absolutely. This is a very interesting side to this concept. That's why I really cannot say I know about the reality of Self, whether it's "soul" or just in the brain. As you said, if the memories all go away, is this the same person or a new identity? Interesting topic to dive deep into...
Thanks for your comment.

Daisy said...

Hello Nava jan
Thanks so much for the recipe. I think it's straight forward and I can make it. I was so happy when I saw it:)

p.s.I didn't realized that I write so much about food ;)